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Friday, September 17, 2010

I wasn't expecting this


Miss M started kindergarten only two short weeks ago.  I wasn't worried about her starting school.  Not at all, actually.  She is sociable, and she went to a large daycare centre for four years, so she is used to a structured environment with lots of other kids around.  I figured school would be a piece of cake for her.

But my sweet little girl is having a hard time.  For the first two days of school, she and the other kindergarteners wore a special name tag around their necks and the teachers would wait for them to arrive and direct them to their their designated area.  But after those two days, they were on their own.  Now my brave, outgoing, little supergirl feels lost.  And scared.  She gets off the bus at school and feels alone, unsure where to go. 

Earlier this week she told me that she doesn't like taking the bus to school because she gets lost.  I couldn't really understand what she meant.  I asked her what the other kids do, and she explained that they go around to the back of the school and play until the bell rings and then they go in.  I asked what she does.  She told me that she gets off the bus and gets lost, and then a bigger kid (sometimes the big brother of her best friend) takes her hand and brings her to where she's supposed to go.  We talked about it and I explained that she just needs to do that on her own.  If she can't find her friend, she can just play on the structure and wait for the bell, since it rings only minutes after she arrives anyway.  I thought she was okay.

I was wrong.  On Fridays, I have to leave the house earlier than usual because I have a French course that I must get to, so my husband stays with Miss M until the bus comes.  I was almost to my class this morning when my husband called.  He had to drive her to school.  Oh, did you miss the bus?  I asked.  No, it wasn't that.  Miss M just wouldn't get on the bus.  She had a crying fit, pleading not to go on the bus.  Hubby told the bus driver that he would bring her to school himself, and that's when the driver told him that almost every morning, Miss M cries when they get to school until an older boy comes and brings her to her area.  I feel so badly!  I had no idea that she was this upset about it!  Her dad brought her to school this morning and they went through the steps she needs to take when she gets off the bus.  She has to go to the back of the school, cross where the bigger kids are playing, and over to where the younger children are playing.  He walked with her when the bell rang and showed her exactly where to go when it was time to go in, too. 

I don't know what else we can do for her.  I assume that she feels intimidated and maybe like a little fish lost in a sea of older students when she steps off the bus and turns the corner.  But she needs to learn that if she just keeps walking, she'll be in her own area and can play with other children her age.  I don't think it's just the bus.  She is fine on the bus until they arrive at school.  And I don't know if it would even help if we drove her to school because we aren't even supposed to get out of the car when we drop off our children.  There is a drop-off area where the child can exit the car and walk up a path to the school.  It would probably be even more difficult because she would want us to walk her up every day.  Plus, we need to get to work.  If I drove her to school first, I wouldn't get to work on time.  Oh, the stress! 

We are going to talk about it with her more over the weekend.  Maybe we'll go to the school and go over everything again with her.  I'm not sure what else to do, but I certainly don't want her to feel lost or scared or sad when she gets to school every day.  Advice is welcome!

14 comments:

  1. That's awful. :( For you and her.

    Coudl she have a buddy on the bus? Maybe there are some other kids in her class that take it too and they could sit together and walk with each other. Just an idea because that is what our irl has been doing.

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  2. There are no other kindergarteners on her bus, unfortunately. And she is only the second (most times first) kid on the bus, so there is nobody to sit with when she gets on. I feel so bad for her!

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  3. Poor, sweet thing! I remember feeling the same way and just sitting outside my kindergarten classroom, worrying and waiting each morning, until someone told me to go in. I think you're doing exactly the right thing. Just keep listening and reminding her what to do, and she'll get it!

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  4. Ouch! I wish I had advice. Maybe ask the teachers? Two days seems awfully short to learn a routine in a big new place!

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  5. I was going to say what Kate said. In your shoes, I would talk to the school. If a child needs more help, maybe they can assign someone to guide her through for the first couple of weeks. They're the ones who are on-site, and so they're the ones who are best equipped to lend a hand.

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  6. Thanks, ladies! I asked her if she felt better after Daddy took her to school and went through everything with her and she said yes. We asked if she thought she'd be able to do it on her own now, and she said she would. I think I will mention it to the school, too, and we'll see how she does next week!

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  7. Shannon, my heart is breaking for your little girl and for you. What a hard thing to go through! Like you've said, I'm sure it will change with time but it doesn't make it any easier for you or her.

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  8. Shannon, I hope this morning went more smoothly (and less anxiously) for her and for you. The transition to school must be hard enough when you're reassuring yourself that everything will be fine - then only to discover that it isn't, quite. I can remember being tinier than everyone else, less accustomed to new places. I know she'll get the hang of it soon!

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  9. Thanks, Leslie. I was telling Amber that Miss M's teachers have an in-service today so there are no classes for students. I drove her to the school's daycare and they will be taking a day trip to a park today. She was all smiles when I left.

    It was hard. I cried when I heard how sad and lonely she felt. I hope tomorrow goes more smoothly!

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  10. I would be a mess learning that my kids was sad and lonely too. Whenever my son doesn't want to go to school my heart seizes because I think that he's miserable at school and everything is going awful. (Which isn't true.)

    Once in her classroom is she doing well?

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  11. @Alex, Yup, things seem to be going great once she's in class. She is making friends and having fun. I think it's just the intimidation of walking past the big kids by herself in the morning. Hopefully she gets over it soon because it just breaks my heart to know she's sad/scared/lonely.

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  12. Oh no! Poor baby girl :(
    I hope this week will be better for her. Kindergarten can be a big adjustment. Maybe she can find another kindergarten "buddy" on the bus that she can walk with?

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  13. Oh that's so hard - for both of you. I remember those days. You feel powerless to help, and you want everything to go smoothly.

    I agree with Kate - perhaps the teacher could help? Or - though she's little - maybe the two of you could map things out visually, make it into some sort of game, and find a way to practice at some non-school hour -if you make arrangements with administrators?

    If it's any (weird?) consolation - I was stunned when my elder son, world traveler, Mr. Independent, was actually homesick when he began college - in a city he knew, yet! I was zapped back to the days when my kids were little and I couldn't help.

    Obviously, he adjusted (and is now thriving), and your little one will deal with this and everything else that comes her way.

    Doesn't make it easier though. Sending hugs.

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  14. No more advice here - the previous posters have said what I would have said. I'm just sitting here wondering if things are better and your precious little thing is feeling better about getting to school. Please update! And hugs to you and the sweet little Miss M.

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