Feeling Lonely

I’m lonely. I've been feeling this way for a while and figured since I have this (non)blog now, maybe I should write about it and I might feel better.

Every day I’m surrounded by people – my husband, children, and parents – family I love, and by colleagues, neighbours, and other parents but I still feel lonely.  I know what I am missing, and it's friendship. True friendship with other girls. Girlfriends. Of course I consider my husband my best friend. I can talk to him about anything and he loves me unconditionally. But it’s not the same as talking and sharing with another woman. I’m not saying I don’t have any friends at all… I do, and I really care about those friends. But I don’t see them often enough. We all get into the busyness of our lives and we don’t really make time for each other. I am trying to make more time for girlfriends.

Just recently I got together twice with a friend for coffee and I really enjoyed the time with her. We talked for hours and it was great seeing her again. She is someone I used to work with. We would take walks together and vent with each other on our lunch breaks. I had a few personal issues going on in my life at that time and I confided in her a lot. I have always trusted and highly respected her. She is so confident, outgoing and friendly. I was (and still am) also very jealous of her. She has lots of friends. Girlfriends that she can count on, that she’s been friends with for years, that she makes time for. And she is making even more real friendships via this blogosphere. She is just a genuinely great person and I think people are naturally drawn to her.

It doesn’t come so easily for me. I consider myself friendly and outgoing, but a bit more reserved. I don’t often make the first move, and I’m somewhat cautious when approached by someone new. I feel I have a bit of a guard up and I realize that I probably come across as stuck-up or snobby when I’m actually just a bit shy.

I didn’t grow up in the city where I live. We moved here approximately 8 or 9 years ago. I have made some friends, and we have made “couple friends”, but we rarely see them anymore. We keep saying, “we need to invite so-and-so over for dinner soon!”, but we procrastinate and the days turn to weeks. I’m hoping now that summer is almost here that we will have more opportunities to get together with friends, but with our son in competitive baseball we will be at games every weekend. It’s not an excuse. Friendship is important to me so I must make time for it. I also start to feel a bit insecure when I think of how many of my friendships have faded. Are they just busy with their lives, or am I unimportant to them? Should I bother trying to rekindle the friendship, or do they even notice that it has faded? I hate feeling this way about myself. I like to think that I am a good friend and worth taking time out for. But am I?

I don’t have a best (girl)friend. I haven’t since I was about 19. My then-best friend and I started to drift apart because our lives took different turns and honestly I didn’t agree with a lot of the choices she was making. It was too difficult to continue a friendship with someone who I suddenly had so little in common with. I moved away a few short years after that. I guess I’m just missing a connection. I’ve read many bloggers talk about the friends they’ve met and connections they’ve made through blogging. Does it feel like the real thing? Do they still have plenty of IRL friends? I’m curious.

Ok, enough with the woe is me talk. What I really wanted to say is just that I feel lonely and I’m hoping to fix that. I'd like to know if I am in the minority here. Do other moms have lots of friends, or do they pretty much live like hermits? :-)  Do you have any suggestions for making new friends? Or do you ever feel lonely, even in a house full of people who love you?