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Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Not feeling like myself









All of these feelings and more are what I have been experiencing this week.  I don't know if it's just hormones or if I'm letting everything get to me for no reason, or what.  But I don't like feeling this way.  I have no patience with my kids.  Every little thing rubs me the wrong way and I snap.  Then comes the guilt part.  It's a vicious circle.  I've written before about feeling lonely and my fading friendship and I think that's what has been bothering me the most.  Lately I just feel like a big loser.   Like nobody (except for my family, of course) likes me or cares about me.  I think I will have to talk with my "fading friend" to get my feelings out in the open.  That way we can either start trying to be friends again or I can just forget it and move on, rather than sitting here wondering what I did wrong and if she even notices or cares. 

Friends or no friends, I think I need to get out and do things for myself, by myself.  I am planning to register Miss M for some kind of class/activity this fall, but maybe I should also sign up for something myself!  I'm not sure what yet, but I'm thinking it should be something totally new.  Not only will I enjoy some "me" time, but maybe I'll find a new passion or even find a new friend! 

I need to get myself out of this funk, and I think I've already started.  Writing everything down like I just did and thinking of a possible solution is making me feel a whole lot better.  Thanks, (non)Blog!


  1. Shannon, oh the grouchies! They get me here too often, especially when I am feeling lonely. I wish we could have a cup of coffee or tea, and just chat. About everything, about nothing. I only know you through words, but I am certain you are no loser. I love your idea to get out and do something new! And can't wait to hear about it!

  2. Sending hugs and hoping that virtual hugs from a blog friend might help - even just a little bit!

  3. Kate, I really wish we could get together and chat, too! Thanks for always "listening" and for all your kind words.

    Jane, it actually *does* help. Thanks for the hugs!

  4. Those funks are so hard to push through. Trust me.... I end up there quite a bit. But yes - do something wonderful for yourself! It makes such a big difference!! :)
    Sending you a big ol' hug...

  5. I was *thisclose* to enrolling in an African dance class recently, after I saw an invigorating performance. But when it comes to time, I have major commitment issues!
    Cheers to you taking on something new - something for you.

  6. I'd jump at the chance to be your friend if I loved in the Great White North, though I already feel like we're "computer friends." I do hope you get a resolution or at least some closure with your fading friend, and I can't wait to hear what you come up with for your "me time." Something at a local community college? A book club? A knitting class? Cake decorating? Landscaping? All the possibilities are so exciting!

  7. Sweet, you! I know just how you feel. Hopefully this week is better.

    I think you should go for it, on both counts. What do you have to lose? And maybe you have tons to gain.

    You are a sweet, wonderful person and I'm proud to call you friend. I'm also here for you whenever you need it. Always. Just call. You know how to get me. Or text me. Anytime.


  8. I'm sure there's a pill for that. ALL of that. (Seriously.) And isn't that a shame? Because some of it - at least - is the stuff of parenting, it's inevitable isolation and fatigue at various points, and a sort of "meh" along with irritability and so many other feelings we think we shouldn't feel.

    But we do feel them. Those feelings are real. And legit. And suck.

    And I suspect that most of us can empathize, and hope things pick up a little soon. That "not feeling like yourself" thing? The writing helps. Really helps. And we're all here reading.

  9. I hope things go well with your fading friend. I know first hand how the not knowing can be so much worse than just hashing it out.

    Good luck!

  10. As hard as it is to make friends when we are young, it is exponentially harder in adulthood. I think we tend to keep our hearts even more guarded and letting people in without the guarantee of reciprocity is so hard. I moved to the east coast with my hubby who is from here and he had a built in life and all of the friends of his youth and I had no one. It was so hard being a whole country away from my friends. I would often have days where I felt just like your post (still do) but I took a prenatal yoga class when I was pregnant with my first baby. Yoga was so not me, but I thought it would help with the pregnancy. Turns out the girl sitting next to me and I had the same due date. We talked more as the class went on and found we had a crazy number of things in common. Our boys were born a week apart and we are best friends to this day. She was the first friend I made after moving here and all it took was opening my mind to an activity that wasn't what I would normally do and opening my heart to someone. I hope you can work things out with your friend, but if not, I know someone else out there would be happy to fill that role!

  11. I hate feeling that way.
    And for the better part of a few years I've been dealing with it on and off. I know that, for me, a big part of it is that I tend to hold it all inside instead of expressing myself. So eventually, being "the strong one" just... gets the better of me :(

    I sure hope that you get to feeling better soon. And GREAT idea about taking a class or something for yourself! My outlet is the gym... I always say I need to "sweat it out".