So, I've been super-busy with back-to-school hectic-ness and work has been a lot more demanding lately, too. I haven't had a chance to write in this space in a very long time. Actually, I have been considering giving it up altogether. But I'm not ready for that yet. I'm not much of a writer, but I like to come here to share little stories of my life. Things that are going on, things that I think about. I guess I'll just continue to write when I can for now anyway.
All this busyness has made me realize how much guilt I feel on a daily basis. Why do we, as women (parents? mothers?) always feel guily about something!?
I can't read blogs at work because I feel guilty about not doing actual work.
I can't blog at home because I feel guilty about not doing housework (or helping with homework, or making lunches, or giving baths, spending time with Hubby, or missing my favorite TV show!).
If I read a blog on the fly (i.e. on my phone) I feel guilty if I don't get the chance to go back and comment.
I don't want to go to French class tomorrow morning because I have a lot of deadlines at work and I'll feel guilty if I don't start working on them right away.
If I go to work and miss French class, I'll feel guilty because I've already missed a couple of classes and my work pays for them!
If I feel like being lazy but Hubby is doing laundry I feel guilty just sitting there so I usually drag my butt up to do something. Even if I've already cooked dinner/cleaned the kitchen/etc. (this is my own guilt. Hubby doesn't do or say anything to make me feel bad about it).
I am tired of being a baseball family. It's October and there are still at least two more full weekends of baseball. Meaning four games per weekend, with at least one day out of town. I wish that it will rain like crazy this weekend so it will be cancelled, but then I feel guilty because I know my son loves it and I want to support him.
I haven't visited my parents much lately. Mostly because of all this baseball. I feel guilty about that, too. I want to, but I just don't have the time lately. Soon I hope.
Those are just a few of the many reasons why I feel guilty lately. It sucks. I need to stop worrying and just do what I can. I know this, but yet it never seems to help at the time. But here I am, writing away while Miss M sleeps and Hubby and J are downstairs watching baseball. It's nice to sit in the quiet and just write. But there is still a tad bit of guilt as I sit here. Well, I guess I'll stop now and go do something. Like maybe just go to bed. I'm exhausted!
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Oh Shannon, I understand too well what you're saying. Guilt is at every corner. For not doing the laundry. For doing it while the kids might need you. For every silly choice. If I find some magic, I'll tell you. Until then, do what you need to and what makes you feel best. Big hugs.
ReplyDeleteThe guilt is just never-ending. Really. Just one of the many joys of parenthood, right up there with wiping up bodily fluids. Whee!
ReplyDeleteOh Shannon, my friend. I feel every ounce of what you describe here. EVERY EVERY OUNCE. And well we both know I have no solutions, look at me. I hit rock bottom. But you aren't alone, and I'm here, I'm your friend. And none of us expect you to feel pressured to read our stuff, or to write. Write when you can. And take care of you. Try, try try to release all that guilt. Can you skips a weekend of baseball? I means seriously, send them off, and stay home. You deserve it, and it's important to keep you healthy. Or else where would they be?
ReplyDelete@Kate: Thanks, I could use some of that magic! ;-)
ReplyDelete@Amber: LOL! Yay for bodily fluids and guilt! I guess they are both things that we have to live with as moms, eh?!
@Christine: Seriously, just the feeling of anxiety that I had about whether to go to class and not work on deadlines, or go to work and skip class had me in a tizzy this morning. I literally got to work and stayed in my car for 7 minutes, not wanting to make a decision! Sad, I know. I chose work and I'm glad I did. My boss needed to meet with me AND my co-worker had a pumpkin spice latte waiting for me!
As for skipping ball... I don't think I can. I've never missed a game and don't want to spoil my record at this point! Hubby and I talked about taking turns this weekend, but I doubt it will happen. Oh well. It will all be over soon and Hubby and I have a romantic one-night getaway planned next weekend! It will be a really nice break! :-)
Guilt seems like the fifth member of my family. I try to avoid it, but it's so hard!
ReplyDeleteGirl! I am telling you that you and I are like twins!
ReplyDeleteI am always feeling guilty about something, or that I don't do enough...
And... I'm so done with Baseball too. I mean, I love it, but we still have 5 more weeks of it. It has infiltrated my home, as we watch in on TV, my husband is a coach, I'm team mom, and my son not only plays, but goes to private coaching lessons too. We also go to a few MLB games every year (which is super fun!), but I feel like from March through November we literally eat, sleep, breath, and dream baseball.... Are we done YET?!??!
Have fun on your romantic getaway! What I wouldn't give!!!
Shannon--I've been absent for a little bit and am sad that I missed this when you first posted it. While reading this, I was nodding my head quite vigorously. Guilt. Eck. At night, after I've put in hours of work, I still can't stay on the computer and read blogs for very long. As you've said, I feel guilt for the house being messy. It's just weird and wrong.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, you are a writer. I hope you contintue to come back because I really enjoy reading your words here. : )
wonderful writing! and your sentiment speaks to all women. we manage to take on guilt we didn't earn and don't deserve. what's the answer? heck if i know, but at 62, I am better at filtering out the important stuff and letting other things go. still, i feel tremendous guilt about not reading and responding to the folks I follow on the web-sometimes not leaving time for my essays and poems. something is very wrong here. when i figure it out, i'll go on oprah and tell the world..........cj
ReplyDeleteC'est la vie, n'est-ce pas? Je comprends completement! (There, in case you did decide to skip French class, I just helped you complete your make-up lesson.) =>
ReplyDelete