When we first moved here, I didn't have any friends of my own. I only knew Hubby's friends and family. Then I met you. Your then-boyfriend (now husband), S, was friends with my husband and they played ball together. You both came over one evening for drinks. When I got home from work you were already there, drinking my Caesars! I didn't mind. You were outgoing and friendly and we just clicked right away. Our houses were walking distance from each other and soon the two of you were coming over every weekend. And you and I were going out for karaoke. We had a lot of fun.
We were close. We talked frequently. You stood in my wedding. Then you and S bought a house and moved. Not far, but it was no longer within walking distance. The weekend visits slowed down. Hubby and I soon bought a house, too. Again, it wasn't far. But we were all busy homeowners running errands, doing chores, staying in. I got pregnant with Miss M. There were even less visits.
Soon we were only keeping touch on Facebook and email. We'd talk about how busy we were and that is had been a long time since we last got together. Months went by without a visits or phone calls. You had a wedding of your own, but it was overseas and we were unable to attend. We went to your reception and I was truly happy for you. Every time we got together it was just like old friends, back to normal.
Our husbands got into a bit of a disagreement over baseball. It didn't seem that significant at the time, but maybe it was to S? Does he have hard feelings toward Hubby? It doesn't seem that way when they see each other...
You are now a mother and have a beautiful one-year-old son. I visited days after he was born and it was wonderful. We talked just like old times. Conversations are so easy with you. I made an effort to contact you and visit you a few times after that, too. You talked about your son's upcoming birthday party. I assumed it was just for family, but saw the pictures on Facebook soon after. All of your friends were there. We weren't invited. It hurt. I was insulted. I probably wouldn't have been able to go because of J's baseball tournament, but you didn't know that at the time. You just didn't invite me.
What happened?
It is hard enough to make good friends at this point in life. To lose a good friend for no apparent reason is even harder, I think. Should I talk about it with you? Will you just blame it on being busy and laugh it off? I am afraid to ask. I don't want to get hurt. But I already am.
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Oh Shannon, my heart breaks reading this. I hate the sensation of lost friends, the knowing I am not included when I could have been and wondering why?!? I don't have any good advice for moving ahead, except that I know you to be a wonderful friend, a dear and compassionate person. Worth inviting to any party.
ReplyDeleteMy dear, dear friend, I'm sending hugs. I know it doesn't help to know, but I completely understand. We change, life changes us, our priorities change. Sometimes it's us, sometimes it's them. I'm sure it's nothing personal, I'm sure she's just going in a different direction. I know that doesn't make it easier. I'm thinkin of you (and a coffee date!) Here's to the friends we have!!
ReplyDeleteThanks to both of you. Your comments mean a lot.
ReplyDeleteHonestly, I always thought that she truly just didn't realize how much we had drifted apart. She still comments on my FB and is always super-nice. But getting excluded from the birthday party really struck me. It showed me where I stand in her list of friends (if I'm even on that list at all). Sometimes I wonder if I should try more, and other times I think, Why bother? She doesn't. Ugh. It just sucks.
Oh, sweet lady! I have been struggling with the very same thing lately. Hugs to you. I wish I had answers, but I don't. Just hugs.
ReplyDeleteStarting and maintaining friendships as an adult is one of the hardest things I've had to do. All I can say is that I know how much it hurts when you feel like you're doing all that you can, but it's not enough. The pain goes away, but it's slowly, bit by bit. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteShannon,
ReplyDeleteSending hugs your way too. I've been in a similar situation and actually asked the friend if she was mad at me. She, of course, said No, but the friendship wasn't the same. I am not certain what really happened, but I've learned to focus on the friends that I do have. Hang in there.
It's hard to keep friends as life takes over, with houses and babies and all that jazz. I don't think I've really kept any of my friends from my pre-baby days. But that doesn't make it easy - not by a long shot. Sometimes I'm still sad about it.
ReplyDeleteWhatever the outcome is here, I hope you find some peace in it.
I think we must have the same friend ... though that can't be since we live thousands of miles apart. I, too, am feeling the emotional bruises of a fading friendship, and it's so very difficult to comprehend. Wishing you comfort.
ReplyDeleteAw, my heart broke too. I think we have all gone through this at least once in our lives.
ReplyDeleteI had a similar thing happen and it is painful to realize your friendship with her means more than hers with you. I just accepted the level it was at and moved on. (But it still felt like a sock in the gut).
ReplyDeleteI've had this experience, too, and though on one hand I'm sorry it's so common, on the other it's really comforting to read about it here and to commiserate with you and and your other readers. At least once, it's really helped me to examine what is most bruised - my pride or my feelings. A couple of times it has been the former, which is harder to confront but easier to make peace with.
ReplyDeleteReading this just made me sad. :(
ReplyDelete